Coming Out (Not Out of THAT Closet)

As a person who feels uncomfortable in group situations and is constantly aware of the communal hierarchy, you can imagine my silence in my morning yoga class as the young, new wife and mother amongst the distinguished adults whose growing children I probably used to babysit when I was an even more awkward teenager. Yet I persist in going for the sake of my physical and social health, both of which are deteriorating as I spend my days cuddling and cooing with my new, adorable baby boy. I enjoy going and then usually relate the more interesting conversations I hear to my husband. It is apparent to me though that I am on the outside, for no other reason that I am obviously more, at least publicly geeky, than the others in the room.

It first occurred to me when one member of the group told us how his wife was sewing a cape for Christmas at his teenage son’s request. The rest expressed their concerns about being teased and how uncool that would’ve been in their day. On this rare occasion, I spoke up about how it’s becoming more popular to emulate characters, thanks to the mainstreaming of Comic Con and character bounding. After some tenuous, conversational scrambling, the topic was dropped.

With geekyness in full swing due to the release of Star Wars, the topic was bound to come up, and it did but apathetically. Nothing like the passionate discussion of theories and film analytics discussed in my circle, so I refrained from commenting. Recently, I found myself on my mat sandwiched between two beautiful moms, who look like former Prom Queens, talking to each other, looking through my arched downward dog body.

“We went to go see Star Wars the other night,” one said, days after the film release. We moved down into plank, me unfruitfully trying to suck in my postpartum belly. She continued, “The theater was packed with nerds. They would all cheer and clap when someone came on screen.”

You didn’t cheer?! My first thought. I bite my tongue and held back the fan theories trying to burst out of me. And hoped that the red in my cheeks looked like it was coming from the strain of the cobra position as I listened to the rest of their side convo about the ridiculousness of nerds. Little did they know they were in the presence of the Queen of freaks and geeks.

As I’ve stewed over this experience, I’ve been dying inside, the closet weirdness just bursting to come out and scream, I can’t be the only adorably geeky mom out there! There has to be others who enjoy fandoms, and dressing up, and running around with a light saber! Others who secretly want to try out larping and D&D and who’s fantasy is to own a tauntaun! It can’t be just me!

So here I am going public.

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